The Four Cult Leaders From The Last of Us as Nonprofit Clients

This was cathartic.

David

Owes you 5000 dollars. Too comfortable with the “reply all” button.

Asks if you would volunteer because they are a charitable organization with an amazing cause. Either bankrolled by a single random family foundation or privately funded with his own money. His use of :) in emails is bone chilling.

There’s nothing else to say that wouldn’t violate your non-disclosure agreement.

Kathleen

Is definitely gonna get the grant, don’t worry about it!!

Obsessed with getting the organization on TikTok, but has a panic attack every time anyone says the word TikTok.

You love her and her staff and have no idea what the organization does. Women and other marginalized gender identities. Runs out of money for the project at the 11th hour.

Maria

Lots of flow charts and organizational diagrams. Continuously requests that you submit a proposal, but you’re too intimidated by the flow charts and organizational diagrams.

Says she will follow up when they hear back about the grant – and actually follows up when they hear about the grant. There are maybe three of her in the entire world.

Marlene

Asks weird ideological questions about the nature of change and technology on reporting calls.

Emails that just say “ok” at 4 am. Consistently, year after year, makes you believe she is going to cancel the contract, then asks if you can double you hours. Somehow, in 2023, it is possible that she still may not have a cell phone. Every single person on staff would die for her, which is cool until you need the Twitter password. The only ones with a coherent strategy — but you still can’t get the password.